Sunday, January 22, 2012
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to never let you down, probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
Fine. I'll say it.
I'm scared.
I'm scared to become like everyone else. I'm scared that the same things that happened to everyone else will happen to me. I'm scared to raise a child alone. I'm scared to have to put my kid through that. I'm scared to struggle financially. I'm scared to get married and have it end in divorce. I'm scared to be unhappy. I'm scared to do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing. I'm scared to fall in love and have my heart broken. I'm scared to pick the wrong person. I'm scared our feelings will change. I'm scared our plans will change. I'm scared that we'll want the same things initially and not agree when it comes down to it.
I'm scared that we're not right for each other. The hurtful things that we say to each other when we're angry...how much of that is the truth? Are we really only happy when we're fucking? I didn't think so. I didn't think we were fighting that much. Are we really not happy? Doesn't every couple fight? Do they fight as much as we do? How do you know when it's too much? At what point is it not healthy anymore? Don't we still love each other? Full heartedly, intense, weak in the knees, forever and ever kind of love?
I can't let go of anything. I can't fully accept apologies. An apology is when you say sorry for something that you did and have every intention to not ever do it again. I never believe that your mistakes are a one time deal. They never are. We often have the same arguments. I'm not nagging and I'm not wrong and I won't back down. There are a lot of things I think about that I don't say out loud. I'm constantly thinking about our future and your track record in our relationship. I don't want to waste my time in this. I don't feel like I want to walk away but I also don't want to keep dealing with the same shit all the time.
Monday, November 21, 2011
What is love supposed to be like? What's the point in telling someone you love them if you aren't sure it's going to last? I thought love was patient and kind. Love is not jealous and does not keep a record of wrongs. How come they say this is what love is, but we never actually have those things when we're in love? Does that mean we're not actually in love or are we just doing all of the wrong things? Was that written to let us know that we're in love or was it written to remind us to be that way with the ones that we love?
How do you ever even know that you're in love? You can be crazy about someone and love them but just not get along. And when you're not getting along, when do you give up? When are you supposed to say enough is enough and just walk away? How do two people know that they are right for each other? Is it because they make you feel every emotion there ever was? Is the love of your life someone who regularly makes you laugh and makes you cry? Someone who can tell you that you are the most beautiful girl he's ever seen and in the next minute tell you to mind your own fucking business without even thinking twice about it?
How many second chances does love get? Do they never run out? Love is supposed to be forgiving too. But when love lies to you and love steals and love hurts, forgiveness is impossible. Or am I being unreasonable? I think love should be supportive. Love should be you sticking by your man when he's at his lowest point. But when love treats you like a punching bag, eventually you want to hit back. Or you want to stop taking the blows.
Love can make you cry every day whether you have it or not. Love can make you feel the greatest pain while you have it but you can feel the same pain if you let it go. Are you supposed to hold on to love as tight as you can when you find it? Or are you are you supposed to set it free and see if it comes back? What about the love that we let go of? The love we thought we felt but we ended up walking away from? Was that not real love? Is there something better for us to find or are we going to regret leaving love?
I have love. It can be just as beautiful as it can be ugly. Love can make me laugh all day and love can make me cry all night. Am I supposed to ignore the bad and just enjoy the good? Is this the way love is supposed to treat me? Is this the way I'm supposed to treat love? Is the good greater than the bad? Is the good worth sticking through the bad? What is the truth and what is a lie? What's happiness in love? Is it the laughs and the smiles? Is it the fact that I can't picture a single day without him? Is it because I can picture a future with him? Is that love? What if I've felt that before? What's different this time? Really high highs and really low lows. Love consumes my entire day. Love can change everything.
You can feel love in the kiss. You can know love in a glance. There's so much hope in love. Hope that it will last. Hope that you don't get hurt. Hope that you get what you were looking for. Hope that the love you give will be returned. Having faith in love is even better than hope. Faith in love is the greatest feeling of them all. Certainty is such a hard feeling to obtain. You just have to stare love in the face and you'll know if it's real. You have to feel it in the kiss, in the touch. The tingle you get when you feel their fingertips on your back. The feeling like love can get you through anything.
I know what love is. Love is me and you.
Friday, April 29, 2011
I have so much on my mind. I cant sleep. Tomorrow everything can change. We could start a future tomorrow or we could end everything. Tomorrow we could have no worries or tomorrow we could be more stressed than we've ever been. I can't hold back tears. Not knowing is the worst feeling. You want to enjoy good moments but you cant when you keep thinking about how easily it can be taken away. Fate brought us together. There's a reason we met. It can't end as quickly as it began. This is something special. This is better than the rest. This is just the beginning. It can't be the end too. I don't want to spend a day without you. Everything you do makes me smile. I love holding your hand and kissing you and hugging you. I could kiss you for hours and not get tired of it. It doesn't matter what we're doing, every minute together, I'm happy. What is our future going to be like? If you're not here with me? Am I going to be able to wait? Will I move on? Will I jump back to you when you come home? What if you get to stay home with me? Are we going to go into overdrive? Are we going to be obsessed with each other and spend every available minute together? Are we going to want to make love all the time? Are you going to tell me what you did after two weeks of knowing me? You think you might? I think I might. What if we do? And what if its all taken apart tomorrow? Or what if we finally get peace tomorrow and can just enjoy every moment? I need everything to be okay. I don't know if I can handle bad news. I'll be a wreck. I'd fall apart without you.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Classification Essay
When some students decide to study photography in college, they are not sure exactly which field they would like to pursue. Fashion, wedding and portrait photography are the most popular types of photography that students try to pursue a career in. Fashion photographers have the hardest time getting started in the industry. You have to get lucky with an assistant job from another already established photographer and it takes many years to have a career on your own. Wedding photography is one of the most stressful and exhausting fields. You have to deal with very difficult clients and long work days. Portrait photography is less stressful than the others but harder to make a decent living doing. The portraits are routine and not difficult to do but other than children, not many adults take portraits of themselves to hang up in their house or to give to others.
Fashion photography is one of the highest paying fields of photography you can succeed in. Fashion photographers get paid thousands of dollars per photo shoot. They mostly work freelance and are hired for jobs by the name that they make for themselves with their portfolio. To get started as a fashion photographer, you must first get a job as an assistant. It is very hard to be the assistant of an already established photographer. The assistant is responsible for doing almost everything but actually taking the photographs. The assistant is responsible for getting all the equipment to the location, setting up all the equipment, assisting equipment changes during the shoot, cleaning up the location and sometimes even post-production editing. The purpose of having an assistant job is to learn as much as you can from the photographer you are working for. In the little bit of time that you have not working, you are to apply what you have learned to your own portfolio work. A portfolio is a book of your best photographs you have taken in your career. When meeting with agencies and models, you want to try your hardest to network your name and form professional relationships with people. This will help you when trying to branch out on your own. For some people, it will take years before they can start to do photo shoots on their own. Even if you go to school and study photography for years, it is rare that you can have a great fashion photography career before the age of 40.
Wedding photographers also have a hard time getting to the level of success they would like. With all the expenses that couples have to worry about when planning a wedding, the photographer is usually placed towards the bottom of the list. Most couples want to have a photographer at their wedding, but if they are on a tight budget, they are not as willing to spend that much money on the photographer, compared to other expenses. It takes years to get a great reputation and it is hard to get a couple to choose you for their wedding. Most couples will trust a recommendation from another couple, so it is imperative that each couple is completely satisfied. When a couple is getting married, they believe that they will get married only once in their life. The pictures of their wedding will display the memories of the happiest day of their life. The moments that a wedding photographer has to capture, cannot be redone. This is why wedding photographers are under so much pressure to make sure everything is perfect. Weddings have a very tight schedule so when the photographer is taking photographs, he or she has to be ready to shoot when everyone else is and pose everyone perfectly in a very short amount of time. Getting started as a wedding photographer also starts with an assistant job and a portfolio.
Portrait photographers have an easier start than the others do. You can get a job working for a local studio or even working for department stores like Sears or JCPenny. If you have the money for it, you can open your own studio location. All you need is the proper equipment such as lights and backdrops and editing software. You can display work you have already done or advertise low prices to get people to come in. With portrait photography, you have a lot more creative freedom than the other fields. If it is your own studio, you can better satisfy the customers with unique poses, props and post-production editing. If you are working for a corporate studio like sears, you will have requirements and guidelines for each sitting but you are still encouraged to put your own style into the shoot. Portrait photographers do not make as much money as other photographers. Up selling is one of the hardest parts of being a portrait photographer. You have to convince an individual to buy more photos than they intended. You can also up sell by getting them to purchase a fine art photograph, which can be anything from a square size to a Photoshop effect.
Photography has many different fields that you can start a career in. Some people will often do many different fields but most will stick to one that they like the best. Fashion photographers make the most money per shoot. Wedding photographers have a more stable income because people rarely get married without a photographer to capture all the moments. Portrait photographers have more creative freedom with the shoots they do with their clients. All fields have the potential to make a lot of money, have a great client basis and be a lot of fun. Some photographers might pick a field solely based on the people they get to meet or the type of photographs they are best at. My suggestion to new photo students to help in their deciding process would be to try all different fields. Some people end up liking a field they did not think they would. Some people find that the stress level of a job might be worth seeing a happy client when they get proofs for their photographs.
Fashion photography is one of the highest paying fields of photography you can succeed in. Fashion photographers get paid thousands of dollars per photo shoot. They mostly work freelance and are hired for jobs by the name that they make for themselves with their portfolio. To get started as a fashion photographer, you must first get a job as an assistant. It is very hard to be the assistant of an already established photographer. The assistant is responsible for doing almost everything but actually taking the photographs. The assistant is responsible for getting all the equipment to the location, setting up all the equipment, assisting equipment changes during the shoot, cleaning up the location and sometimes even post-production editing. The purpose of having an assistant job is to learn as much as you can from the photographer you are working for. In the little bit of time that you have not working, you are to apply what you have learned to your own portfolio work. A portfolio is a book of your best photographs you have taken in your career. When meeting with agencies and models, you want to try your hardest to network your name and form professional relationships with people. This will help you when trying to branch out on your own. For some people, it will take years before they can start to do photo shoots on their own. Even if you go to school and study photography for years, it is rare that you can have a great fashion photography career before the age of 40.
Wedding photographers also have a hard time getting to the level of success they would like. With all the expenses that couples have to worry about when planning a wedding, the photographer is usually placed towards the bottom of the list. Most couples want to have a photographer at their wedding, but if they are on a tight budget, they are not as willing to spend that much money on the photographer, compared to other expenses. It takes years to get a great reputation and it is hard to get a couple to choose you for their wedding. Most couples will trust a recommendation from another couple, so it is imperative that each couple is completely satisfied. When a couple is getting married, they believe that they will get married only once in their life. The pictures of their wedding will display the memories of the happiest day of their life. The moments that a wedding photographer has to capture, cannot be redone. This is why wedding photographers are under so much pressure to make sure everything is perfect. Weddings have a very tight schedule so when the photographer is taking photographs, he or she has to be ready to shoot when everyone else is and pose everyone perfectly in a very short amount of time. Getting started as a wedding photographer also starts with an assistant job and a portfolio.
Portrait photographers have an easier start than the others do. You can get a job working for a local studio or even working for department stores like Sears or JCPenny. If you have the money for it, you can open your own studio location. All you need is the proper equipment such as lights and backdrops and editing software. You can display work you have already done or advertise low prices to get people to come in. With portrait photography, you have a lot more creative freedom than the other fields. If it is your own studio, you can better satisfy the customers with unique poses, props and post-production editing. If you are working for a corporate studio like sears, you will have requirements and guidelines for each sitting but you are still encouraged to put your own style into the shoot. Portrait photographers do not make as much money as other photographers. Up selling is one of the hardest parts of being a portrait photographer. You have to convince an individual to buy more photos than they intended. You can also up sell by getting them to purchase a fine art photograph, which can be anything from a square size to a Photoshop effect.
Photography has many different fields that you can start a career in. Some people will often do many different fields but most will stick to one that they like the best. Fashion photographers make the most money per shoot. Wedding photographers have a more stable income because people rarely get married without a photographer to capture all the moments. Portrait photographers have more creative freedom with the shoots they do with their clients. All fields have the potential to make a lot of money, have a great client basis and be a lot of fun. Some photographers might pick a field solely based on the people they get to meet or the type of photographs they are best at. My suggestion to new photo students to help in their deciding process would be to try all different fields. Some people end up liking a field they did not think they would. Some people find that the stress level of a job might be worth seeing a happy client when they get proofs for their photographs.
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